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"To hate others is ugly.
To hate yourself is uglier."
-― Hlovate, Rooftop Rant (via psych-quotes)


how do i lose weight quickly and easily and also how do i gain the ability to fly and breathe fire and how do i cheat death 


‘be my friend’ i whisper as i continue to reblog yet another post from you






Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

"If you wake up tired, you’ve been chasing dreams. If you go to bed tired, your making your dreams happen."
-― Benny Bellamacina (via psych-quotes)


relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 


i have childhood memories that i am not 100% sure actually happened or if i dreamed them i really do not know


I would never let my kids watch the orchestra, too much sax and violins.

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